Super Surly Son... Ugh.

[gopherit]

Ok, wise sages of the Board. WHo amongst you has experience with a young pup's adolescence?

My ds is absolutely gonna drive us batty! He's got mood swings that make the hurricane season seem calm. Can't budge him outta bed in the a.m., and he's growing out of everything faster than I can clip the tags.

Even DH (who typically thinks I exaggerate situations) agrees that ds has become at times quite the sassy surly boy that we must constantly keep in check. I saw a shirt the other day that read, "I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just blaming you." OMG - that's him to a tee about 25% of the time. Everything is wrong and it's all due to someone else - he's never to blame, in his mind. Then about 25% of the time he's the sweetest, most loving kid on the planet you could ever hope to meet. (The other 50% he's eating or asleep... or possibly watching ESPN. You make the call.)

How long does this last with boys? (DH sez he doesn't recall ever being this way... his mom recalls otherwise, LOL... but she can't recall exactly when he shifted. She said it took his brother about 12 years, though. Oye vey...)

[dianeschlicht]

Sounds like a pretty normal adolesent boy to me! When he turns 16, he will improve a lot, or you will....not sure which!

Your post made me recall something that happened at our house when DS was about 14. We were on the way to a family gathering, and he didn't want to go. I told him he had to, and he was resisting. Just then, the phone rang, and it was one of his friends. He said to his friend, "Sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm busy being an A--hole!" Of course that made all of us roll on the floor with laughter, and he got up and came with us! :yo-yo:

[PoohsPal]

No help to offer, but I know you'll get through it! Sendign some :wizard: and :grouphug:, though!

[dianeschlicht]

I posted my story above to show you there IS hope! Make him laugh at himself, and he will be totally disarmed!

[UsedtobeSmith]

((((Hugs)))))) I have 6 yo girls issues.

[jnrrt]

Yep, haven't gotten there yet, but I'm not looking forward to it.

My brothers were all that way for a year or two. Don't know if that's comforting, but I'm sending you pixie dust!

[ripleysmom]

DS is 14 (today as a matter of fact!!) and becoming quite the smarta$$!!

[Colorado Belle]

I only had a girl, so I can be of little or no help except to say that if you think adolescent boys are bad....oh...my.....god. DD 's attitude nearly killed me.

However, I will second LAUGHTER as the best medicine. Once when D was 16 (and she had been a handfull since 12), I played a horrible trick on her in Hawaii. Yet she laughed about it. And then we started laughing...and ...well...it just turned things around in a really great way.

I loved what your son said!!!! i would have fallen on the floor too!!! I think they KNOW what they are doing, but they just can't help themselves.

I'll pass on my regrets: that I didn't laugh more or try to make her laugh more. And that I didn't hug enough...especially when she pulled away and wouldn't let me hug her.

[Rash]

How long does this last with boys?
My wife would probably say it's permanent.

[withdisneyspirit]

Gopherit, isn't this oldest DS 10? If so, I am not sure I can offer much hope! I have two wonderful boys, 16 and 13 and they are in the thick of surly adolescence :faint:

You do have to kinda separate the physical from the mental and emotional a bit though. If he is going through a growth spurt, that could definitely account for his being difficult to rouse. Unless he is staying up too late, he should recover his energy after the growth slows again. The hormones, however...they can keep the surly and smart-i-ness going for a long while! Diane's idea of pulling out humor is a great one. I noticed this tonight with my DS13. He was in a foul mood, but when we got on a different subject, namely our pending trip to WDW, he proceeded to make up a very funny story and we all laughed :goodvibes

Good luck with your tween :Pokepoke:

[gopherit]

Thanks, folks.

Yes, this is the soon to be 11 yr old. His hitting his adolescence early, it would appear, based on some signs we've seen.

It was rather amusing tonight... DS was in one of his surly moods tonight, in fact. He was at the table, doing homework wherein he was supposed to list 3 changes in himself from last year to this year. At one point, he throws up his hands and loudly declares we were ALL being too "noisy" for him to think. SO we honored him with silence. He works for a while, then complains again when his brother sneezed, of all things, which prompted his sister to giggle.

DS10 of course gets irate and with a dramatic thud of his book closing shut, says, "I can't do this. I only have 2 things listed. YOU PEOPLE ARE ARE KEEPING ME FROM FINISHING THIS. I need to write one more change about myself from last year, and I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE, thanks to YOU PEOPLE!"

To which DH calmly responds... "Well...you were alot less GRUMPY last year."

Silence.

TO which dd5 then added, "Yeah. You were happier... and.. and.... Smilier!"

She had a big grin on her face, and he was looking right at her.

The look on his face was priceless. Ever the expert, he was quick to glance up and state, "Smilier is NOT a word..." before writing down a statement about how he had out grown his old clothes or some such thing....

And I could swear I saw the corners of his mouth turn everrrrrr so slightly into what alllllllmost appeared to be something, well, a whole lot "smilier" than he had been just minutes before.

[jnrrt]

:hehehehe: Gopherit, I know at the time you kind of want to shake them, but that is pretty darn funny right there. I remember when everything was soooo dramatic, I hope that I can keep that in perspective when my children are doing the same thing.

[PoohsPal]

Oh my! The timing on that homework assignment was perfect! Help from teh peanut gallery was classic, too!

[dianeschlicht]

LOL, good he could at least smile at himself inside! This too shall pass.

[AFMom]

I've got two sons 14 months apart - they are now 9 and almost 8, I just really hope we can all keep our sense of humor when they hit those stages at the same times!!!! I look at parents who have laready made it through it and want to plug into their brains for info......Really don't want to screw the kids up and be the topic of their conversations with therapists in 15 years...... :solikeiwa

[DSNY FN]

Ok, wise sages of the Board. WHo amongst you has experience with a young pup's adolescence?

My ds is absolutely gonna drive us batty! He's got mood swings that make the hurricane season seem calm. Can't budge him outta bed in the a.m., and he's growing out of everything faster than I can clip the tags.

Even DH (who typically thinks I exaggerate situations) agrees that ds has become at times quite the sassy surly boy that we must constantly keep in check. I saw a shirt the other day that read, "I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just blaming you." OMG - that's him to a tee about 25% of the time. Everything is wrong and it's all due to someone else - he's never to blame, in his mind. Then about 25% of the time he's the sweetest, most loving kid on the planet you could ever hope to meet. (The other 50% he's eating or asleep... or possibly watching ESPN. You make the call.)

How long does this last with boys? (DH sez he doesn't recall ever being this way... his mom recalls otherwise, LOL... but she can't recall exactly when he shifted. She said it took his brother about 12 years, though. Oye vey...)

Hmm let me see mine started about age 16 and went till I was 27 and our oldest DD was born so strap in for a bumpy ride I put my parents through hell some times LOL.

[gopherit]

I've got two sons 14 months apart - they are now 9 and almost 8, I just really hope we can all keep our sense of humor when they hit those stages at the same times!!!! I look at parents who have laready made it through it and want to plug into their brains for info......Really don't want to screw the kids up and be the topic of their conversations with therapists in 15 years...... :solikeiwa
IKWYM - my boys are about 16 mos apart, so the fact that DS soon-to-be-11 has gotten into this is making me wonder how far behind ds9 will be! :veryconfu

In fact - I had to chuckle at the irony - last night we were at dd5's pizza party for her soccer team. DS10 came up to me and was huggin me, letting me use him as my "chin rest" (I'm 5'8"... the boy is growin, I tell ya... gonna pass me and quite possible his 6'2" dad by, I think!) Later, along comes DS 9... I go to put my arm around him - no dice, man. He's nice about it, but finally confides to me, "Quit it Mom - that's so... so... EMBARRASING!" Apparently my little Emperor thinks I'm throwin' off his groove...

No touchy... noooooooo touchy! :Pokepoke:

And yet Surly Boy lets me hug him to no end, and when I came to his class to teach a science lab a few weeks ago, he rushed right up to me and hugged me. :hug:

DS9 of course then wanted double attention that night, in the "privacy" of our own home, asking me to come up to his room and read books and snuggle for a while...

(Oh sure, it's FINE to have Mom when nobody's lookin, LOL!) Too funny.

If girls are more complicated and topsy-turvy in their emotional tumult than boys... (and people keep tellin' me they are!), then I may as well schedule my lobotomy now, because I'll figure I'll be mentally / emotionally fried by the time dd5 makes it to double-digits in age!

[DSNY FN]

IKWYM - my boys are about 16 mos apart, so the fact that DS soon-to-be-11 has gotten into this is making me wonder how far behind ds9 will be! :veryconfu

In fact - I had to chuckle at the irony - last night we were at dd5's pizza party for her soccer team. DS10 came up to me and was huggin me, letting me use him as my "chin rest" (I'm 5'8"... the boy is growin, I tell ya... gonna pass me and quite possible his 6'2" dad by, I think!) Later, along comes DS 9... I go to put my arm around him - no dice, man. He's nice about it, but finally confides to me, "Quit it Mom - that's so... so... EMBARRASING!" Apparently my little Emperor thinks I'm throwin' off his groove...

No touchy... noooooooo touchy! :Pokepoke:

And yet Surly Boy lets me hug him to no end, and when I came to his class to teach a science lab a few weeks ago, he rushed right up to me and hugged me. :hug:

DS9 of course then wanted double attention that night, in the "privacy" of our own home, asking me to come up to his room and read books and snuggle for a while...

(Oh sure, it's FINE to have Mom when nobody's lookin, LOL!) Too funny.

If girls are more complicated and topsy-turvy in their emotional tumult than boys... (and people keep tellin' me they are!), then I may as well schedule my lobotomy now, because I'll figure I'll be mentally / emotionally fried by the time dd5 makes it to double-digits in age!

Girls are tougher our 9 year old has started allready and boy it is like a tornado when she gets going right down to the stommping of the feet as she storms off and the screaming I never get anything and have to do everything LOL. She is our comic relief some days LO I know it isn't nice to laugh but sometimes I just have to she makes it so hard not to the good thing is she usually joins in on the laughing part.

[dianeschlicht]

Girls are tougher, but they get through it a bit earlier and faster too.